HiS beloved

This morning I was thinking about how the Lord has made me "HIS beloved child", and how over the years I have really come to believe that He loves me, deep inside. I feel like I am "GOD's favorite child" and often say I am God's favorite. (before you get your nickers in a knot, I know that GOD doesn't have favorites, but you know when you are a kid and feel so loved up that you are sure that you are your parents favorite?. That is how I feel with God, like I am His favorite because I feel so loved up)  I can feel HIS love all around me now, inside me, touching me.  HIS love has permeated my heart and life, and I in turn want to love HIM with all that I have. Body, mind, soul. I find it curious and wonderful. I have also discovered that body, mind, spirit, must be working together to fully worship HIM. That one is not separate from the other. They are meant to work in symphony. 

When any of body, mind, or soul are not right, they all seem to suffer...and then my relationships suffer. I am responsible to care for myself, this temple of God's, to bring Him glory. I want to do all I can to take care of all three in surrender to HIM so that I can be of total use whenever and for whatever He calls me to do. 

Today I am enjoying His love, examining my life and looking at where might be out of balance. What changes do I want/need to make?

Am I?

Do you have a desire to learn and grow? Do I look for and ask people to speak into my life and take their advise? or am I a lone ranger, trying to figure life out on my own? This morning as I was reading John 1, I was examining and asking the Lord to search me out and show me how teachable I am. Jesus is "the Teacher". He is my Rabbi. Am I a student of HIS? Am I seeking HIS direction and then carrying it out. The mark of whether I am teachable isn't whether or not I ask for advise or direction, but do I then carry it out. Teachable people seek knowledge and desire to grow...not just in head knowledge, but in growing and changing more into the image of the ONE they follow. 

Whether we know it or not, we all have many teachers in our life. Those we hang out with, listen to, and follow. We become like those we follow. WOW! Who am I following and learning from today?

removing good for best

Sometimes we have to take perfectly good things out of our lives in order to do and enjoy what is best. 

This morning I was out in my garden pruning the lavender and roses. The lavender and roses while beautiful were beginning to get leggy and spindly looking. The flowers were still fragrant and perfect....they were good.....but they also were taking a lot of energy from the plant sending it out in all different directions. Soon if not pruned they would have turned brown at the bottom near the roots devoid of any more life. Having expended their energy on the one or two quick blooms. However if I prune the still good and beautiful flowers I help the plant become and stay, full and lush, with a steady flow of flowers for a long season. It felt a little sad to cut off all these still beautiful flowers.

My garden helps me understand why God prunes our lives, and why we too must prune even some of the good things out of our lives in order to make room for what is best. There are many things that are good in life that can actually keep me from God's best. Distracting and draining my energy from living in HIS fullness and HIS purposes.  

So today I am thinking about how to prune my life, even of some of the good things in order to make room/time for the best. 

Goals vs Desires

One of the stumbling blocks of my past in reaching my personal goals, was that when I set my goals they were dependent upon others behaviors and cooperation to reach them. This ended up in a lot of frustration and discouragement, not to mention a sense of failure. 

For instance if my goal is to have a perfectly clean house all the time, this is bound up to end in frustration because I have a husband who does not have the goal of having a perfect house, nor are his standards of a perfect home the same as mine. Now I could run around all the time and do all the work myself to have this perfect house, but really how successful am I going to be with any consistency? Not very, not to mention I am going to probably be mad and resentful. Having a perfect home then qualifies as a desire, not a goal.

A goal is about me, it's something that I can attain through choices, discipline and efforts. It requires action on my part. It does not include the cooperation of others. A reasonable goal if we use the example of the house would be; 

keeping my things picked up, my drawers neat, the bed made every morning, dinner dishes done before bed. Anything that I can do without the cooperation of others. 

Here's a couple more examples:

It is a desire to have a happy marriage. It is my goal to have a positive attitude with my husband. 

It is my desire to have well behaved children. It is my goal to be consistent and even tempered. 

Goals need to be specific, measurable, attainable, and about you...they do not require the cooperation of others in order to attain them. 

Desires are just that desires. A desire is something you want or would like to see. Give your desires to God, and let HIM fill and be the desire of your heart. That is where the ultimate fulfillment is. 

Goals

I was talking to my coach the other day and we were talking about reaching goals. Sometimes a goal sounds and looks so far away that we mentally give up before we even get started. We set ourselves up for failure before we even begin. I have been in the process of evaluating and setting daily/weekly goals for myself. I have always set goals and yet about half the time I have procrastinated and not accomplished them, or just given up, leaving me with a sense of failure, and a silent disappointment in myself. Most of the goals that I believe that we set, we never share with anyone else. They are little deals that we make with ourselves, that most often are never accomplished and or we think are not met because someone else kept us from it. 

REALLY?? 

When I am honest with myself, the goals I have not met in my life, whether they were spoken or not was because I didn't keep at it, or because I made the goal in haste without counting the cost, or a variety of other excuses.......but when my goal is not met it is because of "I".  

The good news is, I am not making stupid goals anymore, and I am keeping the goals that I set with consistency. Goals are important in life, they keep us growing, learning , and stretching. 

There are keys and strategies to setting effective goals and then reaching them. 

Integrity

Our words and our behaviors must be aligned for us to have integrity. How often do my words not match my actions? Do I walk my talk? Do I struggle with following through with what I promise? Integrity is what I am made up of. It is what others see and experience of me. It's not so much what I think about myself, but what I live out that really matters. My life, actions, and words are reflections of my core values and heart. Do I need to align my actions to fit my words? or do I need to align my words to fit my actions? Maybe, both words and actions are not reflective of who you want to be, and a reevaluation of your life, goals, values is necessary. 

Whatever it is, you can take action today and make the necessary adjustments. Share it with someone that can help you get back on course. Hold yourself accountable. Make a simple, measurable plan for today and stick to it. Big changes in life start with the small day-to-day choices and actions. All the small changes add up to a big change in time. 

  Aligning our actions with our words brings with it the experience of freedom and a sense of peace. When there are no broken promises to distract us, we live cleanly and truthfully. 

Practice

Practice makes perfect, or is perfect practice makes perfect? Some say one, some say another. I am going to say that regular practice makes progress and forms character. 

My character is growing today!

My husband and I are blessed to be getting some living "as if" practice again today. We left town yesterday to visit our youngest grandson Caleb, that is 4 months old and lives in Virginia. Our plans were that we would be there last night and this morning early we would be cuddling him up. But nothing went according to plan once we were at the airport. Our flight was delayed 2 hours in San Francisco, missing our connecting flight in Philadelphia by 5 minutes. And there we were at 11:30pm stranded in the airport with our new flight not leaving until 2pm this afternoon. 

We didn't have a place to stay, we were told that all rooms near the airport were booked, and renting a car was heading towards 200.00 for the night/day. We looked at each other and had a choice to make. Tired and hungry, without a room, snacks from a vending machine(the airport was shutting down) and stuck until 2pm today. What were we going to do? We could act in accordance with what we believe and who we want to be, or we could revert to childish behavior, reacting to the circumstances and ruin what could be a nice little adventure. We chose the latter, and are finding that we are enjoying this little adventure. We are looking forward to seeing our kids this afternoon and the baby. Yesterday is done..today is here and good and blessings are all around us. I am going to fully embrace our morning in this room, and our time in the airport, and how sweet it will be to be on our way this afternoon with a smiling baby and our kids at the other end. 

Living "as if"

In AA, it is a well known statement "fake it till you make it".....what exactly does that mean? In life we all have many habits and behaviors that we want to change, and grow out of. It takes time, discipline and practice to see those changes manifest themselves into realization. I have learned that changes can happen right now if I "act as if" I were already changed. What is one thing that you want to change in your life? Big or little? Ok. now visualize how would you be behaving differently if you no longer were doing that behavior? What would you be doing? How would you be acting? How would you be feeling about yourself? How would you be spending your time? .....(this really works, so bear with me) Write down what you would be doing differently and how you would be behaving if you were already changed. Now ask yourself what is stopping you from "acting as if" those changes have already happened? Today! why can't you act that way today? I have learned that if "I act as if" these life changes have already occurred, then my life changes really does change for the better and the changes begin to happen. Practicing to walk "as if" in areas of my life, produces discipline and discipline produces perseverance, and perseverance produces character. Before I know it, if I keep at it my practice becomes a reality! Here is a real life example. We got bamboo hardwood floors. I would have liked in a perfect world that they wouldn't get scratched, but we have 6 kids and grandchildren. I knew I was going to have scratches! I wanted to be relaxed about the floors, and not obsess on any scratches that were bound to come about. I visualized what that would look like, how I would act and what I would be like if I were not caring about scratches on the floor, and I began to intentionally act in that way. I purposed myself " to act as if" scratches on the floor were not important. Now 1 year and lots of scratches later, I can say that it works! I really do not care about the scratches...I am relaxed about it, and even view them as memories of fun family times. What could have been a point of stress for me has become a positive experience with warm memories.

Seek to understand

When I listen, one of the things I have noticed is that if I have a humble attitude that wants to understand what the other is saying, I typically do understand. But when I approach a situation with an attitude or feel defensive in any way, I find that I struggle to listen and really take in what the other person is saying. My mind can wander around, checking out body language, and tone..only to find myself "thinking" instead of listening. Real  listening is an art and takes a lot of energy. But it brings with it many blessings. 

First I need a right attitude, one of seeking to understand, and then I need to practice being quiet and really listening to what the other is trying to get across. Mirroring back what I hear, and asking if I am understanding, and asking more questions about it if they are wanting to share more. 

Time is love. When we give someone our time and really listen to them; whether it is our spouse, children, or friend, we show them value and love. I am enjoying this practice of deeper listening to those I love. I am growing and so are my relationships. What a blessing!

SILENCE

The practice of remaining silent. It's a practice. In this ever learning quest to be a better listener, I am challenged by the silence. Letting the silence be just that, SILENCE. Nothing needs to be said but taking time to reflect on what I just heard, and responding appropriately to the need of the moment. Mirroring back what I've heard and asking if I have understood correctly. It is said that if you feel misunderstood, it is likely that you are. Everyone longs to be understood, and when we listen and take the time to really understand what the other is saying, intimacy happens. Real connection occurs and hearts touch. Lives are changed. I am changed. When I connect deeply to someone else, life immediately becomes more full. 

When I listen in the silence, I often learn what is really being said.....

Lisening

I am discovering how hard it is to really listen to others. I work at listening, really listening with my heart to what others are saying, and yet the Lord is showing me where I lack in listening skills. Last night while leading a lay counseling training, the Lord brought to mind the importance of listening with my whole being to my husband Mike. I am a much better listener to others than I am to my husband. You've probably heard before that there is a reason that we have "two ears and one mouth". We should listen more and speak less...I have to agree that I learn more when I am listening and not speaking. But there is more than just being quiet to listening. I have to engage with what they are actually saying, and put aside what I am thinking, to REALLY hear what they are saying.  How often are you thinking of your response when listening rather than listening and then taking time to think about what was just said? I know that I can improve in this area with my husband and I want to. He hasn't asked me to change, but I know it is an area of my life that needs tuning up, and I WANT the change. 

Last night I committed to a plan of action with my husband. I committed to physically stop and give him my full attention when he is speaking and really listen to HIM, to HIS heart, and show value to what he is sharing with me. Thus giving him respect and the love and value that we all desire.  I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing!